On the edge..

"On the edge" haan seems like my ability is only that far,.. Feels kinda similar to basketball, I ve been watching enough to understand what it means to lose by 1 point at the last second when the clock is continuously running down,.. I watch those anime continuously every day, just to find some inspiration,.

That's right the clock is running down on my life, and I am at the edge of my frustrated limit,.just Don't know what to do.. I m so PATHETIC and USELESS , good for nothing.. It's been an year and I can't get myself a job,.. Everyone is counting on me, and now more than ever i need Money,.. Rinky S wedding will be fixed this year mostly, I M not able to support them..

I M ready to sacrifice anything,. Anytime anyplace I M ready to go,. But that also I m not able to do it.. I M such an idiot,. I know only to depend on others..I know only to cry late at the night after everyone sleeps, . only to stay awake till 5am in the morning thinking and crying about job being an ass all the time, only to feel asleep after being tired from all the crying,.U big fat lousy idiot, get yourself together fast..

Dreams with aspirations

This was the first time I ve ever experienced the feeling,.. Don't even know how to describe it.

First thing I remember was i m dreaming about myself, .. Met my friends we had a jolly good time together,. We talked about our futures,. And the next thing I remember is that wake up because I was crying,..

I mean I really cried in my dream and then when i wake up i find tears in real, gosh it was weird,.. I partially remember, only the cause of it,  it was something related to my job..

geez I m so pathetic and weak,.. Grow up,.

Happy times,..!!?

Happy days,.. Just around the corner,.?? Well I am excited actually,... One of my best friends is getting engaged,..

And I m having a sleep over,. My first ever,.. With the two most important people in my life,.. I just love how I can be so comfy and open with them,.. Looking forward to it,..!!

14th December-- shree s engaged.  I m back,..!! Well,.. It's over with now,.. The sleepover, the engagement,.. I had lots of fun.. But most of all, I was happy for her,.. This was the 2nd time we had a sleepover together,..!! We stayed up till 2am in the morning,.. We just talked,. It felt so relaxing,.. Just luv them,. I don't  know what I would hv done without them in my life,..

Are you a Coward??

That's what you are,.. Coward!!

Geez,. When are you gonna do what you want,.. There are so many things u love and want to do right,.. Why don't you,..
1. Learn guitar
2. Learn calligraphy

Those are the 2 things, I ve always admired,.. But then again I can call myself a Coward,. But mostly I am afraid to ask them,.. I m worried about money all the time.. The classes will have money, and a new guitar will also cost around 5k,. I can't ask them to spend it on me again,.

Am just a pathetic loser who can't even get a job,. What's wrong with you,.. You always do half assed job with everything,. Don't run away,..

Damsel in distress

"Damsel in distress"--meaning a women is in trouble and she s waiting for someone to come for her rescue..

To be frank, I want to be the one who rescues,. And the the damsel in distress is my sister rinks,.. I want to see her happy,. But then again I m such an useless person who cant even help her,.. I know she s depressed and puts on a poker face in front of everyone, I realize she s being reasonable keeping our feelings in mind, but if she can't open up and be blaming herself for everything, I can't help her..

I m worried about her a lot, I just don't know how to fix it,..

She never tells what she feels, I can understand just by looking at her face,. She s angry all the time, feel like she acts like a kid,. But that's good,. Do what u feel,.. She s forces herself to do stuff, which I really don't like,.. Don't do it just because others tell you to,. Be strong and think for yourself,.

This might have been going on for a while, probably after she came back from pune,.. Smoking, drinking, getting high,..gosh I got the shock of my life when I found it out, uff..

God,. Help me, to help her.. Love you

My sweet 20th

My Sweet Twentieth

This is about the most memorable 20^th birthday I have ever had. Seems like only yesterday when I had celebrated my birthday 2 yrs ago. But all the memories still rings fresh in front of my eyes.

I woke up early on the previous day of my birthday, got ready for the training classes I was going from the past 2 weeks as usual. Everything was going well, I had made a few close friends during these 2 weeks. We all used to have a gala time together. It was like any other day, . little did I know that my friends were planning for something big.

As the day ended, we all said bye to each other as usual, took our vehicles and headed home. The unusual thing I noticed was 2 of my friends who used to come with me till the half way route home were going in the same direction with the others. I noticed them standing at the end of the road waiting for everybody to come. I immediately thought it was for me, went over with the vehicle and parked it aside. [silly me!!]. the reason was because they were all planning to go together to buy me a gift for my birthday, which I came to know later. Oops!! I spoiled all their plans. Poor guys they had to make 2 way round trip with me till the halfway route and head back again to the gift shop. Lolz..!!

So finally today was my birthday!!,. I hadn’t really slept peacefully coz of attending all my friends’ calls at midnight. I didn’t bother coz, it was my special day. And I had got 2 new dresses to choose from. I chose the formal dress, got ready and went downstairs, I had my training classes today too. My friends were ecstatic, wished me, and congratulated me. It was the first time I wore a formal to class, I got some compliments for my looks as well. [hey,.!! Now I remember, I wore new slippers too]. I didn’t expect anything from them, I usually don’t. But what they did was totally a first for me..!!

As the day was about to end, we were almost packing up to go home by around 5.30 in evening. When I came back to get my bag, I could see my friends standing together all of them with a big grin on their faces with a beautiful black forest cake with them. I was so happy with the gesture. It had been so long since somebody had surprised me with the gift. I cut the cake, we all had snacks, took snaps, we roamed around the campus as well. After all of this, it was not yet over, they presented me with the biggest birthday card I had ever got for my birthday., another first..!!

I barely knew all of them from 3 weeks, it was so nice of them to do this for me. It was a big pink colored card with roses, everybody has their names on, and in the end was a birthday message written with the most beautiful calligraphy I had ever seen, I was so touched, I eyes welled up seeing that. I was so overwhelmed by their gesture,.. this was the only second time when I got happy tears in my eyes. I gave them all a big hug, thanked them and took them all to a treat outside. I headed home happy and excited with the remaining cake. Was my day over..?? Nope think again….

I was a wee bit confused when I returned home, as I saw 2 pairs of familiar slippers outside the door. I thought, how can they come now..?? I went inside, started to tell all of them what happened morning., and I enquired my mom about the 2 slippers outside, she just blew me off saying she doesn’t know.

I could recognize those slippers anywhere, after all they were my best friends. I went up to my to room, surprisingly it was locked. They wouldn’t let me in,. they were doing something and I was right, it was my friends. Well they had done a good job of hiding the vehicle, but not the slippers. It was an amazing sight to watch when I entered my room. Brought back some old memories, childish memories. The room was fully decorated with big balloons, colorful buntings, colorful papers.. And right in the middle were 2 cute birthday cakes. It was just magical to watch, just like a dream. The first one was from my friends and the other one was from my family., I cut both the cakes, ate some delicious snacks prepared by mom,..[ hey  I got a bouquet too].

Another great surprise was a handmade gift from my friends,. It was a beautiful cut out of two hearts, one heart had this handmade cake, and the other had a beautiful picture of the 3 of us together with a birthday message. The two hearts were joined, OMG,.!! It was so  nice of them to do this. It was so cute. [I still have it in my room]. This was the day to remember.

My friends were just about to leave after all the party, when suddenly I got another surprising news. I got a call saying that our exam results were out!!. I thought too many surprises for a day, might not be a good sign. Turns out that, I was wrong!!. I was a bit tensed of course, my heart skipped a beat when I heard the news. What happened after that was totally on another level, I had cleared all my subjects with flying colors. I scored my first distinction in my BE career. I was way over the moon.

So, that completed my awesome birthday ever. Let me summarize a beautiful cake, with the biggest card, room fully decorated, 3 cakes, a handmade gift from my best friends and finally my first FCD in BE. Need I say more,… yes, yes, I will… you know what made it really really special,… The cherry on the cake… I was the topper of my class.

Favorite quote

"The greatest treasures are not gold, nor jewels, nor works of art. They cannot be held in your hands. They're held within your heart. For worldly things will fade away as seasons come and go. But the treasure of true friendships will never lose its glow."